Overwhelmed

As the holidays have been approaching I have been thinking of all that needs to be done. I'm what some may call a control freak with a touch of obsessive complusive. I find these to be good qualities, but understand how it can overwhelm some. Some, mostly being Dan. I totally understand where he is coming from, when things fall short of perfection, he is the one that usually bears the brunt of my frustration.

Let's back up for a moment, this season started with Thanksgiving. MaryBeth, my mother-in-law, was all set to do it at her house. I volunteered to have it here, so it would be easier on my kids, and let's be honest, so that I could be in control. I promised myself that this year was going to be different. MaryBeth and I decided we were going to keep it casual.

The weekend started off great, Dan came home early form work on Wednesday, I got all of my early baking done,and I had written out my schedule for the following day. Yes, I wrote out a schedule, and yes, that is me being relaxed. Thanksgiving could not have gone better. The food was good, we used paper plates, the kids played and I think everyone had a good time. I didn't lose my cool and was fine with things not being perfect. Real growth!

Now, originally in my mind the rest of the weekend we would just lounge around. Ha! There is apparently something chemically wrong with Dan and I and we are incapable of just relaxing for a weekend. We saw a washer and drier on sale that was a great deal. We have needed new ones for a while, so we decided let's just do it. We began our plans for the early morning treck to Home Depot. As we began talking we decided to paint the laundry room, and build a counter for folding, why not tile the floor while we are in there, and I hate the cabinets, so lets just paint those, too! Seriously? You would think that we would stop there, WRONG! Since we're doing this why not tile and paint the kids bathroom right next door? Great idea. So, that was our weekend a giant remdeling project that we are knee deep in at the moment. It should be great.

Oh, and the cherry on top the kids have all had colds and have cried for four days running.

I realized that Dan and I have not spent any time just the two of us for months. We've had MaryBeth and Anna babaysitting a ton, but never for quality time for just us. It's been weddings, parties, buying washers and driers.

So, this all brings us to overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed with kids, projects, weight loss, you name it. But, mostly, I realize that I just miss my husband. On the verge of tears last night I realized, that just a couple hours of alone timewith hima nd I would feel so much better. My birthday is next week, I'm hoping that on that night I will be able to get some time with my best friend.

Now, on to Christmas... in Wisconsin... no stress!

FAT: To be or not to be?

Well, I deicded to not to be. Yes, that is written like that on purpose. I decided at my last doctor's appointment with Isaiah that I was going to lose weight after he was born. What did I weigh at that appointment, you wonder? Well, let me tell you. A slim 183. Yes, that is right, I think I actually saw the scale give a sigh of relief when I got off. I know I was pregnant, but still. I'm only 5'3 on a good day, so that was a lot of lady. The picture on the right shows what I looked like the day after we had him. Yikes! I mean seriously, did I carry that child on my thighs. Something had to be done.

Well, I was distracted by life and didn't decide to do anything until our 15 hour car ride home from Wisconsin. I decided that was it and starting the next day I was changing my life. Dramatic isn't it? Well, anyway there I went starting this journey that I have been on for close to three months now. Did I mention my good friend Tina also decided that she ws going to get married in October. There was no way I was going to look like I did in the above photo. It was a great motivator. The best motivator, however, was when Ezekiel walked up to my stomach, starting pushing on it while saying, " boing, boing, boing." That will make you want to make a change real quick.

Well, things started off great. I quit drinking soda. Now anyone that knows me very well at all just had to pick themselves up off of the floor from the shock. I was a soda addict, still am, if I'm honest, but I have quit for the good of my healthy life! Anyways, the first month or so was great, I was losing people were noticing, awesome. Then, I had to quit nursing and a few other things, BRICK WALL! Tina got married and I gained three pounds that weekend, it has taken me three weeks to get back to where I was before that. Frustrating.

Did I mention that I am working out 6 days a week? How do you gain any weight working out that much? Well, apparently you can. Let me just say a few things about working out. Anyone who says they love to work out is either lying or mentally unstable. I get that you feel better after, but the actual act of working it sucks. Everything hurts, you're sweating, and usually at some point I feel as though I may be sick. It sucks, but if I want to lose this weight, it is a very neccesary evil. I work out to a couple different videos and I get an odd satisfaction by being really snarky to the instructors, I know that they can't hear me, but it would be great if they could.

I've learned a few things so far about this whole thing. The first being the more weight I lose the lower my goal weight is. How am I ever suppose to get there and why am I doing that to myself? Second, I say all of the right thing like; " It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change." " I just want to be healthy and be in shape." Let me tell you, that's crap. I love crappy food and if I could eat it I would. Second, in my fantasies I want to look like a Victoria's Secret model walking down the runway. After having three kids in four years, that's never going to happen. The image of my stomach is called Noelle's Secret and no one wants to see that come down the runway!

What the point of all of this rambling? Well, it's fun to write down the ups and downs of this journey. Second, I think that I am not unique with a lot of these thoughts and issues. All of my friends want to lose weight, too. I look at most of them and think I would be happy if I looked like that. The sad reality is, I wouldn't, I would just keep trying to get smaller. I'm a little crazy, yes.

So, I'll keep sharing about this journey. I'm currently 13 pounds away from may latest "goal weight." The pic to the right is where I am now. I feel I should mention that my family has been nothing but supportive. Dan constantly tells me he is proud of me and how good I look. Eliza does push ups with me. Isaiah just smiles while I work out. And Zeke, well he has stopped pushing my stomach and saying boing!

A little about my family...

As I sit here writing this I have a two year crying because I won't carry her down the stairs. My three year old is running around probably peeing in his diaper because he can. There are days that I realize I have no idea what I am doing. Should I pick her up? Should I let him decide when he's ready, or be mean and teach him the hard way? Of course everyone in the world knows the right answer, except for me, weird.

I know mom's aren't suppose to have a favorite, but today I would say Isaiah is the winner. If we are all honest everyone else has days where they have a clear favorite, today, he is mine. He smiles, giggles, can't talk back, and always has only small poops! There is a very special quality about this little guy. When I took him to the doctor he said this is the best baby ever. I think that I agree. I know that this is short lived and very soon I will be sad that he is mad because I won't carry him down the stairs, or he will show me and not use the potty. These moments are so precious when they are this small.

On the flip side, it makes my heart smile when Eliza runs up to me and give me a hug. Or, when I get her up from her nap and she tells me all about the flowers on her wall, only she doesn't say flowers. She has the voice of a trucker, very deep for a two yearold. That only makes the way she says flowers bring tears to my eyes, because it is so funny. She is freakishly strong and I wonder what she will someday do with this talent, she can lift a full 12 pack of soda. I think that she will someday be named the worlds strongest woman. I envy the fact that at two she already has more self confidence than I do at 28. She could care less what you think, because she thinks she's great, and it's true.

Then there's my Ezekiel. He has more empathy than I thought was possible. If he sees someone crying he will tell them not to cry and that it will be alright, followed of course by the wettest kiss in history. He's smart and knows it, that's where the potty training comes in. He knows I can't make him do it. He's very tall for his age and a little awkward. People are always shocked to learn he is only three, clearly the height comes from his Dad. He runs a little funny, I think he is like a great dane puppy, eventually, he will grow into those feet and when that day comes, look out, he might be fast! He does get his fear of trying new things from me. I wonder if that is genetic or if somehow he learned that from me. We try and discourage his fear, that is why if you ever come to our house our children will be leaping from tables to couches. I want them to explore and know that they can do things.

As I wrie more and more I realize they are all great, wow, this is very theraputic! Ha!

Then there is Dan. How I have been so blessed to have him? First, I said it eight years ago and I'll say it again, he's hot. It's true. The best is that I've learned that's not even the best part. He is sensitive, caring, and pretty funny. He might think that he is funnier than me, but that is not true, at all.

He works incredibly hard for our family. I have the privalege of being able to stay home with the little ones. He is true man of God and I learn from him everyday. He is my best friend and I love just being with him.

As for me, well that will just have to wait until next time!

Well...

So, I decided, why not? Throughout the day the kids do funny and amazing things. I know some people may enjoy hearing about them.

This morning Zeke has decided he wants to go to Colorado. I don't know how to make him understand that we are in Colorado. He cried for a long time about it. I think that he may be doing better now.

We went to Dan's office this morning. It took almost an hour to get there in all of the traffic. I realize that I need to have more sympathy for him on a daily basis, that would drive me nuts!

Both Zeke and Eliza were very excited about how froggy it was today. Yup, froggy!

My Dad left to go home today and that was really sad. The kids keep asking about him. We had a great time with him while he was here!

I love my kids and my family. I am truly blessed!